Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
