this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
