Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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