im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
