To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
