She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
