I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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