Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
do nipples grow back?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
