Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
