he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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