I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize