mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
