You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize