when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
