Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
