You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize