Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
