Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
