Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize