so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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