i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
