Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
