maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
