Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
