He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
