you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
