You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize