I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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