I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
