A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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