Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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