i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
