worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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