Please, let me fuck your mom
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
