i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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