I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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