So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
