Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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