my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
