Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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