I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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