dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
