Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
