I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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