she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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