is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
