There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
