Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
