we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
