he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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