New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
