We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
