She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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