the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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