i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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