Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
