I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
