Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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