i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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