hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize