I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
