You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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