At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
