my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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