Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
