Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
