She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
