I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
