Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
