your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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