i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
