I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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